Keep On, Keepin’ On, Keepin’ On

In this season of life right now, I feel all over the place. Nah, let’s be honest – I am all over the place. Remember that part in Bambi where he is trying to catch his balance on the ice? Allow me to refresh your memory:

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That, right there, is me on a daily basis. I’m feeling these ridiculous insecurities that are all being fed to me by the enemy and I’m just struggling to catch me breath and regain my balance. Rise hasn’t taken off like I’d like it to and I wanted to give up. I brought a new idea to Justin to start with and he encouraged me that I needed to continue with Rise, trying new things, until it works {thank God for him, seriously, I would get no where without him – actually I’d probably be even more all over the place and get into too many places without him}. Not that I thought that I’d launch and clients would be knocking down my door, I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy but I guess I just wanted it to go a little bit faster than it has been. Overall, I’ve just been feeling super insecure about what’s next for me. Then in addition to that, I am questioning every step of the way what people think of me and all that’s happening in my life. Oi. But then, I look at Jesus’ life on this earth. And I realize that all HE wants from me, is to love His people well and know Him more. He wasn’t living life in search of the next thing; He was present. Loving people right where He was, meeting people right where they were. Whatever it is that I have been searching for, I’m doing for myself – and  as long as I am searching after things of the flesh, I will never be content.

So, I feel crazy encouraged because I am not enslaved by being held to a standard of this world. I’m so grateful that these insecurities have crept out from the ugliest parts of my heart because now I have to face them. Repent. Lay them at the foot of Jesus. And move on. I still look {and feel} like Bambi. I still have no idea what tomorrow or a year or five years down the road looks like for us. But, I feel real good about it because it’s there that I fully rely and rest in peace that I can only find in my Savior. Instead of stressing over what’s next, I will work on being present and loving right where I am at every step of the way. Because my life is beautiful and I am so so so grateful for it.

P.S. for all who find themselves in a similar situation: listen to this song – it has been on repeat lately.

 To the dreamers
Wide-eyed believers
Hanging onto hope by a thread
To the soulful
Heart open hopeful
Keep on charging ahead

 

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